It’s always the ones we love most we take for granted… and we don’t realise we have taken them for granted until it’s too late. I’m sorry my beautiful companion. It’s like a punch to the chest. Your lungs shrivel, you can’t breathe but you manage one last exhale before the flood of infinite tears takes over and you feel resentment. You begin playing over every memory your mind has ever held. Your heart beats like a butterfly’s wings as you overthink the moment you must let go.
Am I being punished?
Shoving pills down his throat because if I don’t he won’t take them… And he’ll get worse. But if I do then I’m left questioning whether I’m making what may be his last days on this earth as traumatising as my last few days of watching time run out. Watching him stumble around like a newly born foal on ice, and maybe I’m just crazy. Crazy in the fact I should be cherishing what may be his final days but I can’t. I just can’t. Because watching someone you love with your heart and your soul and everything you have left to give, deteriorate, knowing there is nothing you can do about it, kills. An apology is no where near enough. I hold hope for you.
I would not specify my relationship with this small black feline as owner and pet. He is forever my best friend, and above all else, my family.
As you lay here on my lap, gracing me with your company, I forever pray there will be another time just like this one. I would not change a thing about you.